Anger

All feelings provide us with information about ourselves:

what we like and don't like, what we want more or less of, and what we want to put an end to.

Recognizing how you feel allows you to make intelligent decisions about which actions to take in response to your feelings. It allows you to maximize the likelihood that you'll choose to behave in a way that promotes your well-being and leads to the attainment of your goals.

Experiencing your feelings allows you to be more empowered. Ignoring your feelings usually keeps you stuck, and worse yet, often leads to unconscious and self-destructive habits and behaviors. Powerful people feel their feelings fully so they can make informed choices about resolving conflicts instead of exacerbating them. Realizing you are feeling angry about people or events in the past or the present allows you to take action to resolve those feelings yourself, or with the help of an expert. Resolving pent up feelings lessens the likelihood that you will act out on those feelings and hurt yourself and/or others and allows you the mental clarity to use tools and take constructive action to achieve optimal outcomes.

Historically, anger has been falsely labeled as a problematic or dark feeling. In some cultures, the feeling of anger is even perceived as a sign of “badness” or deviancy, and those who admit to feeling anger get punished.

First and foremost, it is important to distinguish between feeling and dealing. Once you recognize the experience of anger (i.e., once you can "feel" anger in your body and identify its trigger), you can make conscious choices about how to constructively "deal" with your anger.

Throughout history, some people have chosen to "deal" with their anger in impulsive, destructive, and sometimes criminal ways. Unfortunately, this tendency for people to conflate “feeling and dealing” with little regard for consequences has given anger a bad rap.

Feeling anger is not a crime! Anger is a natural response to a real or perceived violation or injustice.

Experiencing anger in the face of a violation or any other type of mistreatment or abuse is actually a sign of mental health. Without recognizing anger, human beings can be compromised in their ability to protect themselves, their territory, and their offspring – the people and things we are biologically programmed to protect.

Once you can recognize the feeling of anger in your body and manage your anxiety and other bodily activation (e.g., by using breathing regulation exercises to decrease your anxiety), you can regain your clarity of mind. With your mind now “online” again, you can be empowered to make conscious choices about how to constructively deal with your anger, instead of blindly and impulsively acting on it. 

Get CURIOUS about ANGER to eliminate your emotional rigidity and promote your mental health.
Consider inviting your loved ones, children, peers, subordinates, or superiors to tell you about any anger they feel toward you.

Questions to Help You Upgrade Your Relationship With Your Own Anger:

• How do you treat your anger and other feelings? Do you welcome the information your feelings provide so you can make constructive decisions and behave in your own self-interest? Or, do you habitually shut down your feelings in an effort to not bother or upset anyone? 

• How did your parents or early caregivers treat your anger and other feelings? Were some feelings approved of and others condemned by your parents, your teachers, your coaches, your religion, or your culture?