Depression

Although it is not a conscious choice to become depressed, many people are locked in repeating cycles of depression that they feel powerless to break free from.  How does this happen?  It often begins with how our early caregivers* treated us – and themselves (*our parents or the people who raised us).  For example, if our feelings were treated with curiosity, love and respect, we learn that feelings are important and worthy of expression, and we will be less likely to bury our feelings or turn negative feelings against ourselves.  Conversely, if our caregivers were stressed, preoccupied or otherwise unavailable to us, they were not present to carefully and regularly pay attention to our feelings.  This type of emotional neglect teaches us that our feelings are unwelcome and a burden to others.  As children, we may also have experienced or witnessed negative results from showing our feelings (e.g., getting yelled at, hit, ignored or humiliated).  So children, with their impressionable minds, learn from caregivers whether or not they can safely express feelings and which feelings are “acceptable” to our parents, siblings, teachers, coaches and peers.

Our caregivers also teach us how we should prioritize things in our lives and how to cope with the world around us. From the practical to the emotional, we rely on our caregivers as a guide for how to treat ourselves and everyone else in our lives.  For example, if we saw our caregivers constantly putting others first to their own detriment, we learned to do the same thing. And, if left unchecked, we might, implicitly or explicitly, teach our children to behave similarly.

Sadly, these learned actions – to ignore, minimize or dismiss our needs and true feelings – become the cornerstone of our adult lives and get regularly repeated without our conscious awareness.  Ultimately, we turn these destructive behaviors and devaluing thoughts on ourselves and repeat the inadequate and destructive coping strategies we learned.  This can result in self-blame, self-sabotage and automatically burying our true feelings.  If the majority of our coping strategies are unhealthy and involve self-devaluation, we can wind up becoming chronically depressed and find it difficult to achieve mental health or maintain a peaceful state of mind. 

When people are caught in this kind of depressive cycle, it can be quite difficult to develop the perspective and the tools needed to objectively identify and deal with the real feelings underneath their symptoms.  However, with good psychotherapy, with or without the help of medication, you can learn how to identify and reduce your depressive symptoms.  Ultimately, directly dealing with and experiencing your complex feelings can lead to increased hope about the future and an improved ability to enjoy life and relationships.

The following list from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH.gov) details some of the most common signs and symptoms of depression.  It is important to note that not all people with depressive illnesses experience the same symptoms.  In fact, the severity, frequency and duration of symptoms usually vary and are influenced by family history and the circumstances leading up to the development of symptoms.

Symptoms of Depression can Include:   

·         Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings

·         Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

·         Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness

·         Irritability, restlessness

·         Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

·         Fatigue and decreased energy

·         Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions

·         Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

·         Overeating or appetite loss

·         Recurrent thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts, or an obsession with death

·         Unexplained physical problems without identifiable medical causes